I am far from perfect. I have wronged people as recent as a month ago. Steeped in bitterness, I had hit an emotional rock bottom. I am discovering something new about people lately: It’s often acceptable to do wrong, until you claim faith in Christ. Then, you’re a hypocrite. Not only that, but try apologizing to someone for doing something wrong when, in some cases, it seems they are calling for an apology, only to find out that your apology will not be accepted. The same pride and bitterness that you are apologizing for having in the first place is rejected with the same… pride and bitterness by those who refuse to accept your apology. Hypocrisy enters the fold yet again and the cycle comes full circle. But, try saying that to the people who play devil’s advocate and accuse and try to condemn you.
I failed miserably at following the words of Ephesians 4:26 which state, “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” I let a long time go by before apologizing.
I, too, cannot hold people to the Word of God if they don’t believe in it, but I wish that I could. Matthew 6:14-15 states, ” 14For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” In this case, I am the one apologizing and wish to be forgiven, but am not receiving that forgiveness.
I never claim to be perfect. I may act pridefully at times, but not perfectly. No sane person can claim perfection. It’s why the gospel/salvation message exists. We go to Christ needing to be redeemed because without Him we are condemned and weighed down by our wrongdoings. We go to Him to find forgiveness and the ability to no longer be condemned, something that we don’t deserve but receive out of grace. Thank God for mercy, right?
People who don’t understand all of this look for help in other people, but those people are just as screwed up as them. Just as lost as they are. They look for help within themselves with self-help, but how can you heal brokenness with brokenness? They also lash out and brutally gossip and slander the names of those around them.
Hebrews 10:17 that states, “And their sins and iniquities I will remember no more. Would it not be extremely nice if people would actually forgive AND forget. I think that because people can’t forget, they simply refuse to forgive. Again, if only verses such as Mark 11:25 applied to everyone, “25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” However, this does not apply to unbelievers, as they already stand unforgiven, so why expect them to be forgiving?
More than ever, I am called to be a witness for God. So, I finally get to what I really want to say…
The more that I reform myself and follow in the steps of Christ, the more that I ask God to challenge me and teach me His ways, the more I pray for Godly wisdom, and the more I speak what I have been learning to others, the more I am persecuted.
John 15:19-21 says, “If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you… If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you… because they do not know Him who sent Me.”
I have always been a straightforward, blunt personality. I have been one to say what I want to say and when I want to say it, without first thinking about the consequences. Now, I am beginning to allow myself to be a calculated man… calculated in Christ.
I have apologized to people that I have wronged. I have spoke thoughtfully out of prayer to friends about living in the world and not of it. I felt called to lead a Bible study during the weakest point I have ever been spiritually and am thankful that God helped me get passed my fears and dragging my feet in readying his Word. I praise God that I am a temple of the Holy Spirit. I am sure glad it is not me who is truly leading the Bible study, but God through me.
And I find no peace other than in the Word and time I spend with God.
A few days ago, I was attacked for my belief. Told that I can no longer speak about God and the Bible study I started around anyone who is a part of the Korean/English exchange class I attend during the week. I was told I make people feel uncomfortable with my faith. That somehow now people are gossiping behind my back that I have a temper (which I fully admit I have had in the past, but no way has been stirred in the recent past, especially not during the class or when talking about Christ). The conversation became personal and my relationship with Kammy was brought up. I was told that I can’t talk to the girls in the group because some of them are saying it is odd that I would talk to them after I dated Kammy. However, I have asked none of them on a date. Rather, I have asked them to a Bible study along with dozens of other people. As if a relationship that ended because of a girl’s racist parents has anything to do with the Bible study. Yet, it has somehow become one of the reasons that I am being told to stop professing my faith.
My name has quickly become synonymous with the Bible study. I get introduced to anyone here and instantly I hear, “Oh, you’re the guy who has the Bible study on Sunday nights?!” The way I hear it is with fake enthusiasm and fake interest, because it is some of these same individuals who gossip behind my back and are beginning to spread nasty rumors.
I only revere God’s name more because I must be doing something right in His name or people wouldn’t get so puffed up. To tell me that I can’t talk to girls in the group because dating is not allowed between members and can’t talk about my Bible study because it is another group is ludicrous because I can think of multiple couples amongst the group, including someone close to me. I also remember dozens of times that people have talked about and invited people to other groups such as ultimate frisbee, drinking events, martial arts classes, etc.
What it comes down to is that people hate the light. They hate me for my faith in Christ. They won’t say it and may even convince themselves this is an untrue statement, but there is no denying it.
I praise God for this opportunity. I will follow in the footsteps of Christ and in this case, the Apostle Paul and continue to focus on Christ’s death on the cross just as Paul did when he was persecuted. My persecution is far from that of Paul’s, so I have no excuse not to simply overcome these attacks with prayer and with praise to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
So, I plead with you to continually to pray for me if you are a brother or sister in Christ. I need to stay strong and finish this race. I must remember this race is not a competition, but a group race. I must not lose my tongue nor show anger. There is nothing to be angry about! I am saved, no longer condemned, a child and saint of God himself. Hallelujah! Praise me to God on the most high.
Amen.
